“So you felt afraid that she would never get better. You felt hopeless and alone.”
“And is there an earlier time in your life that you felt hopeless and alone like this?”
Can I take a minute?
“Take as much time as you need. I am here!”
What comes to mind is…. I am very young. It feels like I am 5 or 6. She is very angry. I don’t remember exactly what I did but she is furious. She is hitting me… I feel so scared.
I feel helpless and alone.
“And how does that make you feel about yourself?”
I feel so helpless. I feel so alone. Something is wrong with me. I am really bad.
Something has to be wrong with me. She wouldn’t treat me like this otherwise.
“So the beliefs that feel true to you are that you are helpless, alone, something is wrong with you, at your core you are bad? This is about who you are?”
Oh, yes! It hurts so bad!
“And how do you feel towards me right there?”
I am angry. Why didn’t you stop it? Why didn’t you protect me? Why weren’t you there?
I just did!
“No. Ask me, not to just accuse… not to just vent your anger and not listen! Ask me! And pay close attention to what I have for you!”
OK! Why weren’t you there?
“Remember now! See what you saw. Hear what you heard. Be there, now!”
“What do you see there now?”
I see it all again. Someone else IS there! It’s my older brother! But that can’t be… he went to live with you before I was born.
“Was he there?”
…… Yes! He’s there!
“And what is he doing?”
“Ask him what he is crying about!”
He’s crying for me.
“So you weren’t alone?”
“Were you helpless?”
He says that he was my help right there!
“Does that feel true?”
When I hear it from him it feels…. true!
“Ask him if there is something wrong with you!”
He says I was just being a kid… I WAS just being a kid. That’s true…
“And were you bad?”
Who I was… was not bad! I was just being a kid.
“Is that just an excuse to do bad things?”
No, I am forgiven…
I am just a little child. And I am loved.
He beckons me over. I sit on his lap and he hugs me. I feel… forgiven and loved.
“What is he doing now?”
He’s crying again… as he holds me!
He’s crying for…
But wait… aren’t I the victim here?
“This event was never about you! It was about her! You came to believe lies about yourself and about me. Many people do! You didn’t understand! You tried to make sense of it the best you knew how at the time. But they were lies!”
“And you couldn’t know what she has gone through and what she has come to believe that is not in reality true of her… or of me! So, out of her own pain, she acted the way she did.”
“I love her just as I love you! And I want peace, freedom and love for all of my children.”